Must and Should

Took me a long time to try blogging again.

I think it is time already. 

I need this as braindump. 

Thoughts today:

I've been watching a series of youtube vlogs by a certain female celebrity for two days in a row. In one video she was talking with her friends about maturing and growing wiser. There was something she said that I cannot forget, sabi nya

' You're not growing when you're not losing friends. Some people are just seasonal. Kahit sa Bible nakasulat na lahat may season. So pag meron kang friends noon, and you're not close to them na, don't fret. Wag mo nang ipilit. Kasi meaning tapos na ang season nla in your life. Tapos na ang purpose nla sa buhay mo.'

Hearing it that way, it made me think of those people who used to be very special to me. People who I used to laugh with, share secrets and create memories with. People who once upon a time were considered confidantes,friends,soulsiblings. Yet whom I had not have a decent conversation for a long time now, either because of  a misunderstanding or because the  lack of communication had been so long it made things awkward already. 

Personally, I used to care about and even cry over the snobbing, the cold shoulder treatment etc.. You honestly cant help it. Esp when the person was someone you had been through some of your lows and shared some life's milestones with. So if I would follow the thought of that celebrity, cguro nga I am wiser na emotionally.   Because at this point in my life, I had been able to accept that not all I met in life were meant to stay..

Some stayed for a little longer. But some were just passersby. Some came to break me. Some to mend me. All became part of my life for and with a different purpose. All came on their own 'season'. 

So from an older soul to you, I hope you'd value all the relationship you had created at the moment. Cherish everything. But don't be fooled. 

Each of us has a path to take.Life itself is a journey. Not all who's with you now will be with you until the end. 

If that happens, continue moving forward..a step after another, a day at a time. . remember, they also have their own path to travel. As for you both, your season has ended.  The sooner you'd accept that, the better. 🙂

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IT HAS BEEN AWHILE...

There.

I finally had been able to enter a post title. 

My last post was more than a year ago. I cannot fathom how a lot of big changes had happened since. One being that, I finally joined the Department of Education family. 

I know I must be happy. I finally found my ministry. This is what I wanted all along. The second chance I had been praying.

But why do I have misgivings? Why do I have second thoughts? Why do I have  a wandering heart? 

Is it because a human heart is never content?  Or am I JUST missing something?

I still want to teach. WITH ALL MY HEART. I still WANT to. I even NEED TO.

So what the heck is wrong?

I don't know. 

I do. But at the same time I don't.

I have to meditate on this too.

I am about to make a big decision. I hope everything will turn out as planned. 

We'll see...

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Prayer to the Holy Spirit by Arinze Ani

Arinze Ani ⋅ Prayers, 

Holy Spirit, speak through me,
so all lost souls can plainly see,
not my will, but God’s I seek.
Your word’s are strong,
where mine are weak.

Holy Spirit, teach me love,
so those that hate can climb above.
I know that love, it is the key,
so this I pray, show love through me.

Holy Spirit, help me give,
so those without, through You may live.
To give to those who are in need,
to share my goods, but not in greed.

Holy Spirit, make me wise,
feed me knowledge, my heart it cries.
To understand what I don’t know,
please make me wise, so I may grow.

Holy Spirit, help me trust,
to lean on You, in times I must.
My faith will grow each time I do.
Please build my trust, my trust in You.

Holy Spirit, take my pride,
humble me and be my guide.
First comes pride, and then the fall.
Let me pride in You, or none at all.

Holy Spirit, make me bold,
to spread the news, the scriptures hold.
To speak out loud, to those that hear,
our God is love, they must not fear.

Holy Spirit, this I pray,
fill me up this very day.
To have the power, with You be strong,
to make things right, where they are wrong.

Holy Spirit, let me shine,
with Jesus Christ, this life of mine,
that other souls will soon find out,
what serving God is all about.

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“God, teach me to be patient, teach me to go slow,
Teach me how to wait on You when my way I do not know.

Teach me sweet forbearance when things do not go right
So I remain unruffled when others grow uptight.

Teach me how to quiet my racing, rising heart
So I might hear the answer You are trying to impart.

Teach me to let go, dear God, and pray undisturbed until
My heart is filled with inner peace and I learn to know your will.”

― Helen Steiner Rice

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Today's Prayer

"Lord Jesus, increase my faith and make it strong that I may never doubt your word and promise to be with me always. In every situation I face - whether trials, setbacks, or loss - may I always find strength in your unfailing love and find joy and contentment in having you alone as the treasure of my heart."


-makelina

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Remembering Yolanda (2nd Anniversary)

Today is not just the First of the four Sundays of Bar Examination 2015 (which my good friends Bubbles and Audrey are hurdling as I write ), but the Second Anniversary as well of when Typhoon Haiyan befall in Leyte.

As I read the Scriptures, I couldn't help but shed tears. Today's readings speak of generosity and merciful givings. 

I remember how I was inconsolable in Manila because I got no news of my parents, for five days since November 8. Remembered, how I won't give up staying in front of my computer, trying to scavenge informations  from other Leytenos who might have heard from their families or even trying to trend #helpAbuyogLeyte at twitter, just so media-men would take notice that there is still a lot of coastal towns outside Tacloban, we do not have news of.  Remembered how hurt I was thinking about my parents, -- Are they alright? Is anyone hurt? Do they have meals? 

Two years had since passed, we all moved on. But the pain and the hurt and the sadness we feel whenever we revisit that day, is still raw and fresh. It still continues to haunt all who had experienced it personally and through their families. 

Commemorating it yearly though, is necessary. So people and their families who experienced losses, devastation, hopelessness would realize how God's Mercy kept them alive.

For my family, November 8 is a day spent in grateful thanksgiving. For Jesus, first and foremost and to the people He used as Instruments of His love, mercy and compassion. 

When I eventually received news, that my parents were both okay, I broke down anew-- in thanksgiving and praise to the Lord. When I was told that they don't have food to eat, it crushed my heart again. I prayed and prayed for help from my Provider above. 

And just as He promised, help poured in. Two of my classmates at law school sent money as aid for my family. A fraternity brother from Southern Leyte, generously offered to buy all the goods and bring it to our house. Others, continued sending me updates of my parents.

Thinking about all the help we received and the life we still get to live, make us  grateful of each mornings we get to woke up to. Discernment of what's important and worth admiring, is a natural consequence of going through and surviving the toughest battles . God's Wisdom is impeccable. He is Omnipotent.

He taught that real giving must come from the heart.A gift that is given with a grudge or for display loses its value. But a gift given out of love, with a spirit of generosity and sacrifice is invaluable.

Today, I offer a prayer to all that lost their lives during Yolanda- May your souls find eternal peace in heaven.

and the lives of those they left on earth- May God's peace be with you and in His Mercy, continue to protect you.

and the lives  of  those who help, not only my family, but all of Leyte,- May you continue allowing Jesus to work in and through you for the glory of His Name and the good of others. 

Mabuhay kayo!

-makelina

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On Regrets and Happy Beginnings

Chatted with two of my closest girlfriends  -- Karen and Mamu Goying.

And with both I had felt a different kind of peace, the kind you feel when you know you're in a good place.

Xi Karen made me cry when she surprised me with something. 

It started  with a question on ministry. 

I had  always thought  teaching is mine. But I know that I screwed up the first time I tried my hands on it. However, the hope of doing it right remains locked inside my heart. 

When Karen told me of her wish to continue her studies after her contract ends at Dubai, that little dream of mine started to flutter. And my faith is strong to know that when a seed is planted in my heart, I have to take a leap of faith, for my Jesus is the one who put it there. 

But then again I do not know how to act on it. My parents had gone to surgery  (eye cataract) and my finances at the moment is tight. And I made a promise to myself, that if this is my ministry and this is the road I am led, I would never, never, NEVER screw up again. The necessary deed being that, I have to go back to school and really learn the rope.

As depressed as I am, I did the one thing I knew never failed me. I prayed. I prayed for the Lord to take away the longing, if it's not my ministry. I prayed for the Lord to guide me in the undertakings before me. Should I go forth, or should I turn my back? If everything I'm feeling is in accordance to God's Will,  I prayed for Jesus to show me the instruments on earth He laid for the realizations of His Plans in me.

Way back, He let me meet Maam Siony. Today, as I worry about my finances, He let a friend come around to help me. :) ..and so my happy beginning will start on Monday..(I'll keep u posted on this by Monday. Can't spill everything just yet. Allowing Jesus to Surprise me..)

Mamu, on the other hand, I had a very lengthy conversation about life and taking the leap. I won't gonna share everything here coz I like how that conversation goes up to the top list of my favorite conversations with her.

Mainly, we agreed on these points:

1. Life is short. You have to do what you love and love what you do.

2. Be a GOOD friend no matter what. You don't need to be the best, just be GOOD. 

(Note: ears, respect and space.)

3. Take leaps of faith. No matter where it'll take you, the leap is always worth it.

4. No regrets. Never-NEVER regret . Take every mistake as lessons-learned. 

5. Live a happy life. And that's done by constantly focusing in Glorifying God's Name.

To good friends and good starts! 

God bless!

-makelina

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