Growing up... Making Amends.

“A wise girl asks but doesn't believe ; kisses but doesn't fall in love ; & leaves before she gets left”



- Marilyn Monroe






I like to pretend everything's alright :;
because when everyone thinks you're fine :;
sometimes you too,  forget for a while

that you're not.

In our life, we  meet people. Some we never think about. There are some that we wonder if they had given us a thought or two. And then there are the few we wish we never had to think about again.

But we do.

Sometimes, we  have to stop caring; have to turn off all emotions  to protect ourselves from getting hurt...  have to stop caring about those people: sometimes we  have to hide it all -- not letting anyone know how we feel or what we think. We have to put a smile on our face & pretend everything is fine . Even when it’s not...because sometimes that's the only way to save ourselves  from breaking our heart.

But then, that one person comes..A shadow from the past. The other half of the reason you existed. He does not try to dominate but somehow you feel that he complicates your life.

They say knowing is better than wondering ; waking is better than sleeping and  the biggest failure beats the hell out of never trying.

Life afterall, is for having fun. You don't want to waste it.
So you decided to let him in & you trust him & you think maybe, just maybe, everything you’ve ever gone through is worth it cause you found someone on this messed up planet who knows you.

I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you.. How much you make me smile. How much similarity we have.. I think about you off and on, replaying pieces of our conversation; laughing at funny things that you said or did.. I've memorized your face .. I wonder what will happen the next time we are together or whether that would be possible again..

You asked me if I ever hated you.. and i said, i love you much for me to hate you. As in the movie, what i hated most is the way i don't hate you at all.
I cherish every moment i had with you.I suppose I'm a little bit scared. You might not like it that I felt so much attachment to you.

But I love you.

It's a mystery to me as much as it is to you. Sometimes reality is the hardest thing to understand and the thing that takes the longest to realize. But once it hits us, it will always be there...
In this weird twisted way,its when we realize that reality bites.

But I already learned to deal with reality.
Afterall, at the end of the day, we must either focus on what's tearing us apart  or what's holding us together.

And i chose the latter.

So, i won't going to apologize for saying what i feel, that will be like saying

" s o r r y  f o r  b e i n g  r e a l“.

I love you pa..We can't change the kind of story we have. We can't ask the world to simplify the relationship that binds us. But we can always look at life as grown ups.

I wish you well. And i'm giving you my PEACE.